As a full-time cash-game player, I have come across many different styles and methods of playing poker. Some are good, some are bad and some are positively ugly. But without a doubt the most hideous of all is short-stacking no-limit hold’em.

Some of you tournament players may ask what possible reason I could have for hating short-stacks with such a passion. After all, short-stack play is a vital part of any solid tournament game. Well, in cash games things are done a little differently, and to be honest I’m annoyed I only have 600 words in which to convey my hatred.

For a start they are generally terrible at poker. It’s uncanny how there is an almost perfect correlation between the amount a player sits with and their ability to play a relatively simple game. Let’s be honest, hold’em is not rocket science. These players are generally the spin-up merchants and regular depositors – the losers in the poker circle of life. And their blind ignorance tilts me.

It always amazes me how short-stack players ‘think’, as revealed when you talk to them or ask them about a hand. ‘I had to call, there was too much value.’ No, calling a 3/1 bet with a gutshot on a paired board and only 2/1 implied odds is not ‘value’, it’s dumb. I don’t usually mind donkeys calling with poor odds, but the fact is they hit-and-run mercilessly.

DIRTY RATS

Ratholing is a major issue in the internet poker world, and it’s started to seep into the live game. I was playing in a live cash game recently when a chap got a podium finish in a small tournament and sat down at my table with a measly sum of money. He then proceeded to hit some filthy two pair with 9-3 suited and doubled up, then doubled up with another bunch of garbage. Then he left. Instantly. He didn’t even stay long enough to pay a table charge.

I was always taught that when you win a lot of money early in a session, you have to keep your customers happy and give them the illusion of winning their money back. Even if you just sit back and don’t play a hand, it still appeases their sensation of losing. Getting up straight after hitting miracle cards stirs up bad vibes at the table, which is definitely not +EV in the long term.

Aside from being hit-and-run merchants, one of the most infuriating things short-stacks have the capacity to do is push all-in pre-flop with a wide range of hands. They’ve probably read a short-stack tournament strategy guide and thought the skills were transferable.

Now, this is not good for a deep-stack player who has carefully selected the fish and wants to see a high number of flops so he can increase his edge. I want to isolate the bad players pre-flop by re- raising with a large number of hands, but I can’t because some idiot is sitting with 25 big blinds and thinks Ace-rag is the irrefutable nuts. So we end up playing a card-catching contest.

SHORT-SIGHTED

Let’s just add up the facts then. Short- stacks are ignorant, they ruin the table dynamic so we can’t play post-flop poker and they love to hit and run. Frankly I detest them. And perhaps the biggest reason I hate them so much is that I feel obliged to go out of my way to bust them.

Because they can ruin profitable tables with their presence, I often go after them taking the worst of it, purely so I can eradicate their scrawny arses. And for that I hate them even more. So I ask for your help. Let’s make a pledge, full- stackers: KILL THE SHORTIES!