The Toughest Job in Football, Sky called it, and we all wondered what it could be. Peter Crouch’s barber? Roy Keane’s dog? Fergie’s gum-taster? Everton spectator? It was none of these. No, the toughest job in football is England manager. Oh yes, the job that pays £4 million a year with free round-the-world travel and a guaranteed passport to the knickers of the tastiest secretaries in the office. A real tough job, but some clown’s gotta do it.

The current incumbent, of course, is Sven Goran Eriksson, whose track record of picking the wrong women (the Swedish and Asian kiss-and-yells) is matched only by his record of picking the wrong players (Chris Powell, Peter Crouch, Owen Hargreaves).